Brittany,

I’ve been putting your book review off, and here I am, down to the night before your book comes out, sobbing behind my keyboard.

I know the length of time it has taken to me to write this has maybe been hurting your feelings or been confusing for you, and I am sorry for that.

I just don’t know what to say to about your book. This isn’t just some dude’s book. This is YOUR book.

I want everyone to buy it, I want you to become a rich bitch, and I don’t want a lame book review to ruin it. Basically, I cannot find the words to do your book justice. 

This is too much pressure.

Anyway, THANK YOU for putting my name in your book. You have no idea how much it means to me to be publicly thanked by you, when really it should be me thanking you. For all of it.

I love you. The world will love you. 

You deserve all of this.

Breathe.

And enjoy this ride.

Meredith

***

Fat Girl Walking Book Review

How do you even begin to talk about a book like Fat Girl Walking?

I’ve been Brittany’s friend for years and years. In fact, we grew up in the same sleepy small town. When she quotes Glinda the Good Witch during her high school musical, that was me. I was Glinda.

So when I opened this book, and I began reading her deepest secrets (some that I didn’t even know), I was stunned.

Hole. Y. Shit. I cannot believe she is writing these things OUT LOUD! This is fucking awesome! She’s calling them all out! She’s telling it just like it is! 

And while I’m sure calling out their asses wasn’t her goal… some of you? Well, some of you are going to be pretty, pretty, pretty stunned as well.

*side eye, assholes*

Which is amazing. Because what she does throughout this entire book is share the story of a fat girl. The overlooked girlfriend. The insecure and awkward wallflower of a friend… who settles for less as a young woman.

And then she grows up.

This is hands DOWN the ballsiest book I have ever read in my entire life. Not just because I personally know her so well, but just because it’s astonishingly raw. There is no line that isn’t crossed. I mean that. No line.

But the best thing about this book, is that she wrote this for HERSELF. Although I don’t think she really realizes the effect it will have on ALL OF US.  From this, we will learn how to be better humans and treat each other with a little more tenderness.

Because seriously.

Stop being dicks.

So while this is a collection of perfectly-written, short and hilarious (and sometimes very sad) life experiences, this is also the greatest lesson of acceptance you will ever read. Brittany learns to accept herself.

In turn, I have learned to accept myself.  She makes me want to be a better person.

She always has.

It’s the most real thing you have ever read in your entire life. Buy it. Don’t walk. Run to buy it.

That’s all I am going to say about it today (because I am so nervous for her that I could throw up).

***

BOOK RELEASE: May 19th

WHERE TO FIND IT: Every major bookstore. Harper Collins published the thing for crying out loud. She’s kind of a big deal.

TV APPEARANCES ON MAY 19th: Today Show, Dr. Oz, Entertainment Tonight

{ 9 comments }

Updated Wedding Vows

by Meredith on May 12, 2015

Dear Husband,

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

I updated our wedding vows to more accurately reflect what we committed to eight years ago. You’re welcome in advance.

We promise to put our relationship first, even before the kids. 

I would say this has been the biggest lesson of our marriage. When Mom and Dad are happy, everyone in this family is happy. #SorryNotSorryKids

Are we always perfect at it? Nope. And really anytime we have fights it’s because we’re out of synch (like the other night when you wanted to leave the party… and I wanted to stay… I’m still half-way mad at you about that, btw… and I can’t decide who was being selfish… probably you’re more selfish… because I’m never wrong).

We vow to make our best effort to have sex at least once a week. We will never let sex go longer than three weeks, because after three weeks – it gets weird.

Sex is important.

Not important enough to have every single day, but important enough to not let three weeks pass. It gets a little brother-sister-ish after 21 days.

Am I right?

Divorce is off the table. We vow to never bring it up again. Ever. 

I’m glad we removed that sort of talk a couple years ago.

It’s really freeing knowing that we’re stuck with each other until we die.

It's really freeing knowing that we're

This is truly “it”. We’re all we get.

*hyperventilates into paper bag*

Hand to God, we will never share a checking account.

That was a complete disaster.

I’m so happy we never have to fight about money again, and I’m even happier that you have zero clue how much my new Michael Kors wristlet set me back (it’s so tiny – let’s pretend like it didn’t cost very much).

I promise to be okay with you playing Magic the Gathering, if you promise to be okay with my quest for social media supremacy. 

We all have our geeky “thing”.

I’ll overlook you hogging the Apple TV with podcasts that drag on and on about wizards and secret spells. And you promise to provide a fresh set of eyes for proofreading my work and listen to me bang on and on about Facebook algorithms.

We will obey the rule of shutting the door when we poop, and we won’t poop right before the other person gets in the shower. 

Because pooping with the door open, or taking a shower in steamy poop smell, can easily throw us into that three-week-zone.

meredith and shaun

Teamwork!

Boundaries. Still a work in progress for me. I’ll try harder. Even though I stand by the fact that my shit doesn’t stink.

We vow to fight and make up in front of our kids.

It’s important for them to see what a real marriage looks like. It’s also important for them to see us hold hands and kiss.

It’s the greatest gift we can give them. Our parents gave us this gift. We came into this marriage very blessed.

Mostly, we promise to remain BFFs.

I love that we hang out at the kitchen counter after the kids go to bed. Amazingly, we’re able to solve the world’s problems better than any politician, all while wearing sweatpants, and perfectly harmonizing Extreme’s ‘More Than Words’. And thanks for knowing all of the ladies’ names on the Real Housewives of every city. It shows you care.

I love you. I thank God daily for our marriage. And I’m excited to see what He has in store for our next eight years.

Love,

Wifey-Dear

{ 1 comment }

Where do you see yourself in five years?

May 6, 2015

I’ve been writing this blog for about five-and-a-half years (which equates to 38-and-a-half blog years). ME: Will you help me start a blog and somehow teach me how to turn this into a career? I think I’m going to get downsized.  BRITTANY: Of course! But I want to be straight-up with you, if you think [...]

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Restaurant Wars: Your Misbehaving Kids vs. Everyone Else

April 20, 2015

I get it. I’m a mother of three children, and trust me, my kids are not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. So let’s begin with that. But here’s the thing, today I landed two more accounts, and THAT is a pretty major financial success for my little start-up social media agency. It was a [...]

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Most Likely To #Secede?

April 12, 2015

We drove from Toledo, Ohio to Sanibel Island, Florida this week. It was the best vacation ever. Exactly what we needed. Thank you, Florida! As always, you were very hospitable. Anyway, this post isn’t about seeing dolphins, the best seafood restaurants, or giant seashells. This post is about a particular billboard we passed along the [...]

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I’m going to tell you what everyone is saying about your latest MLM venture, just not to your face. #SorryNotSorry

December 23, 2014

Before we even get started, we might as well get this out of the way, I totally understand that you, the best MLM Sales Consultant ever, are going to disagree with me. I understand that this is going to upset you. I understand that you will rage in the comment section. But hey, the truth [...]

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Just say no.

December 16, 2014

I’ve been doing this weirdly gratifying experiment. I’ve been telling people no whenever I don’t want to do something. In fact, I think I’m starting to get off on telling people no. I’m obsessed! Probably because I’ve spent so many years doing everything for others, that it finally feels right to be doing things for [...]

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Meredith’s Drunk Book Club: The Missing Something Club Review

December 8, 2014

They gave me a list of questions to discuss with you guys. I’m throwing the list out the window. I want to explore the deeper meaning of this book. Because even if you didn’t read a single page, the deeper meaning really is something worth something talking about in any relationship and with yourself. If [...]

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Meredith’s Drunk Book Club: The Missing Something Club by William Haylon

November 24, 2014

You guys! This is so much fun! Remember when I went on that dreadful talk show, hosted by that bitch, Katie Couric? Well, I made friends while I was there. Because, you know, when you decide to take down that bitch Katie Couric, you should probably form an army. Of course, I made friends with [...]

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Anxiety. The struggle is real… Alternate title: A Dozen Little Known Ways You Can Die

October 15, 2014

I guess I have anxiety. Living with anxiety seems fun and awesome. Especially since I have ADHD and my overactive brain is always on, only now it’s thinking about worst case scenarios. For example, I think the world will come to an end in our lifetime. I think about it obsessively, but I have always worried [...]

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