One girl. One cup.

by Meredith on September 28, 2015

I can’t do it anymore.

I’m throwing in the towel. Or rather… the toilet paper.

Every morning I’ve been starting my day with a shake from Shakeology.

I finally got the recipe to where it was manageable. Lots of ice, a scoop of chocolate powder, a dab of milk, and a tablespoon of peanut butter.

But here’s the thing.

It makes me poop. A lot.

And my poop smells like the shake – it has a very distinct smell.

It’s gotten to the point that I have to choke it down in the morning. Not only does it look like crap, but it smells like crap. My crap to be exact.

poop or fart

I lost three pounds, but drinking my own shit isn’t worth it anymore. I would rather be fat.

To make matters worse, I must be on auto-ship because ANOTHER bag of diarrhea has shown up in the mail.

I logged into the Beachbody website, where it took me an hour to figure out I had to chat with them to make it go away. It couldn’t be as easy as opting out. It had to be hard to find, and once you find it, you have to say the magic words.

THEM: Thank you for providing the required information. I see that when you placed the order for Beachbody Challenge 21 Day Fix Pack along with Shakeology Chocolate Bag and free trial of Team Beachbody Club Membership. You will be enrolled for the Auto Shipment of Shakeology and Team Beachbody Club Membership after 30 days from the date you placed the order unless there is a request from you to cancel the same. As there was no request to cancel the Auto Shipments and Team Beachbody Club Membership. You were charged and shipped for the same.

ME: Cancel it! Just cancel it! 

THEM: I see that for the Shakeology Chocolate Bag Auto Shipment, you were charged for $119.11 and for Team Beachbody Club Membership you were charged for $41.69.

ME: Cancel it!

THEM: You have to make a request.

ME: This is my formal request. 

You guys. I am stuck with two bags of diarrhea. I’m wading in it, to the tune of $160.

And this, my friends, is the problem with MLM marketing. It’s an auto-ship scam.



by Meredith on September 16, 2015

Do you ever think, “Dammit. Is there something I’m missing, or am I the smartest human alive?”


All political debates with men talking about women have me like:






Kindest Regards,



Meredith’s Non-Diet Diet Quest

September 10, 2015

You guys, I am getting fat(ter). Here’s the thing, I LOATHE starving myself and sweating. I’m a happy eater, who has been living a pretty fantastic life this past year. And I’m very busy, like most moms. I want the magic bullet. I once took Adipex for 6 months. It was a magic bullet. I very […]

19 comments Read the full article →

Working mother guilt? I have zero.

June 24, 2015

Women always ask me this cringe worthy question: So… Where are your kids right now? Who is watching them? Sometimes it’s packaged differently. Like: I don’t know how you do it. How do you juggle owning a company and spend time with your family?  Or: Your husband must be a saint. Does he mind that […]

19 comments Read the full article →

The Last Day

June 12, 2015

Hey Kendra, It’s Friday morning, and you’re probably reading this before your LAST RADIATION TREATMENT! But I’m actually writing this in the middle of the night, last night. It’s about 1:00am. I should be sleeping, but fuck it. I really want to tell you something, and I can’t sleep until I get this off my chest. […]

2 comments Read the full article →

Meredith’s Drunk Book Club: Fat Girl Walking

May 18, 2015

Brittany, I’ve been putting your book review off, and here I am, down to the night before your book comes out, sobbing behind my keyboard. I know the length of time it has taken to me to write this has maybe been hurting your feelings or been confusing for you, and I am sorry for […]

9 comments Read the full article →

Updated Wedding Vows

May 12, 2015

Dear Husband, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! I updated our wedding vows to more accurately reflect what we committed to eight years ago. You’re welcome in advance. We promise to put our relationship first, even before the kids.  I would say this has been the biggest lesson of our marriage. When Mom and Dad are happy, everyone in this […]

1 comment Read the full article →

Where do you see yourself in five years?

May 6, 2015

I’ve been writing this blog for about five-and-a-half years (which equates to 38-and-a-half blog years). ME: Will you help me start a blog and somehow teach me how to turn this into a career? I think I’m going to get downsized.  BRITTANY: Of course! But I want to be straight-up with you, if you think […]

9 comments Read the full article →

Restaurant Wars: Your Misbehaving Kids vs. Everyone Else

April 20, 2015

I get it. I’m a mother of three children, and trust me, my kids are not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. So let’s begin with that. But here’s the thing, today I landed two more accounts, and THAT is a pretty major financial success for my little start-up social media agency. It was a […]

31 comments Read the full article →

Most Likely To #Secede?

April 12, 2015

We drove from Toledo, Ohio to Sanibel Island, Florida this week. It was the best vacation ever. Exactly what we needed. Thank you, Florida! As always, you were very hospitable. Anyway, this post isn’t about seeing dolphins, the best seafood restaurants, or giant seashells. This post is about a particular billboard we passed along the […]

32 comments Read the full article →