I’m sorry if you clicked through thinking this was going to be some super intense article about break-ups or something. Ain’t nobody got time for that today! It’s the end of the month, and Mama needs to sell some more cars!
I did a walk-around of the last 2013 Chevy Equinox we have in stock. This unit (I still chuckle like a Junior High boy when I call a car a “unit”) has $2,500 in rebates on it (this is in addition to GM Supplier or GMS money). This money goes away on October 31st, so get your butt out here and test drive it now!
Listen to my fun and mysterious Fargo accent, as I surprise you with my Equinox knowledge (email subscribers click here):
Reasons Moms Like This “Unit”
18 in chrome wheels: Are you a gangsta rapper or a mother? NO ONE CAN TELL!
Gas Milage: 22 city / 32 hwy
Power Sunroof: You don’t have to mess up your hair to get some fresh air.
Remote Start: Turn that mother on and get it heated up. Oh? Your baby just pooped on herself? And now you can’t leave on time because you have to give her a bath? No biggie. Just push the button again and turn it off.
Heated outside mirrors: How many times have you scraped your driver’s side mirror with your hand while driving? Those frozen hand days are over.
Chevy MyLink: Stream music through Bluetooth, listen to Pandora, Stitcher, or XM Radio. You can call people handsfree with voice activated technology or just touch the screen or your steering wheel. It’s super pimp. All the other moms will be super jealous as you’re driving around bumping to Dirty Miley Cyrus (admit it, when your kids aren’t in the card, you secretly love Dirty Miley so much).
OnStar: I have OnStar on my vehicle. I heart it. There is an OnStar app for your phone, and you can unlock your doors. I don’t know about you, but being a mom makes me scatterbrained, and I am constantly locking my keys in the car. You get six months of turn-by-turn directions (something I can show you how to do through Bluetooth and your smartphone after your six months runs out). OnStar also stops your car if someone is trying to steal it, and it locates it via GPS.
Rear Back-Up Camera: For real. Every mom needs this. These things keep you from running over a child in your drive-way.
Safety Features: The 2013 Equinox is an IIHS 2013 Top Safety Pick. Airbags: Driver, passenger, front side impacts, side impacts and roll over protection in all rows. It even has car seat latch anchors. I freaking LOVE car seat latches. You don’t have to struggle with the seat belts through tiny carseat holes. you just clip them in and out.
Cargo Room: Moms be likin’ all the room for bumps in the trunk! Seriously, you can fit a double stroller and a few full sized suit cases in it. It comes with a luggage rack, but you’ll probably never need to use it.
Anyway, come buy a super pimp mom-mobile. It’s so much cooler than a damn minivan.
We can take a bunch of weird selfies in it together before you leave. That alone makes this purchase priceless.