The Seven Year Itch: Laws of Attraction

by Meredith on November 4, 2013

Oh, November.

How I love and hate thee.

I love thee because it’s my birthday month, and Lord knows I can throw myself a party.

I hate thee because it’s Movember, and Shaun Soleau loves to grow a mustache.

Movember

Movember 2012

I think we can all agree, last November my husband looked like he should own an old white cargo van with the promises of candy and puppies spray painted on the side.

The Seven Year Itch - A Real Life Marriage Series

I cannot handle the mustache. It’s atrocious. My hot husband leaves me and I wind up married to Ron Burgundy. Hell, next to him, I look like Veronica Corningstone. It’s like a month-late-non-stop Halloween costume.

I offered to just donate money to men’s cancer for him if he’d just shave. He refuses. He says it defeats the purpose.

So in protest, this Movember, I too will not be shaving. Anything.  While I cannot grow a mustache, I can grow out my bikini line, leg hair, and armpit hair.

We’ll see how long he lasts (although, I will probably cave by next week since being hairy totally grosses me out).

But it brings up a good point.

I hate to admit this, but there was a time when Shaun told me I had let myself go. It absolutely killed me. I cried a little a lot, lost some a lot of weight, let my hair grow, slapped on some Spanx and got myself together. Now he can’t keep his hands off of me.

I liked to play the victim during that time and hate him for being so honest with me, but each Movember, I sort of see where he was coming from.

There is zero part of me that is sexually attracted to him during Movember. It takes copious amounts of alcohol to even consider holding his hand. Yes, it’s all fixable and temporary. Yes, it is for a good cause. But dang it, he looks terrible with a porn ‘stache.

So let’s discuss this…

Do you think remaining sexually attractive for your husband/partner/boyfriend is important? Or is it okay to let yourself go?

{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

Pat L.

Tell him to grow a beard and shave that rape alarm. It works for me!!!

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Meredith

He can’t. He has bald spots. This is what he claims.

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erica

I think it is important to put in that effort, but I think when there are underlying reasons there should be some grace given. I think there are also people who have unrealistic views on what it looks like when one “let’s themselves go.” Is it one size, two, 5? The goal is to encourage your spouse to be the best version of themselves, which makes them hot. It can be really hard to actually step in and say I love you enough to tell you the truth, and that is that you have let yourself go and you are not healthy. I’ve gain quite a bit since my Husband and I met, and lost a bunch too, but have not yet reclaimed my former glory. I haven’t really “had” too, since he still wants to get on my all the time, but I have to know he sees it.

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mish

How about a nice goatee? that is MUCH sexier than the caterpillar that has decided to camp out on his top lip.

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V

Shawn should grow a chin strap….

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Bee

He should just grow the chops out. They don’t interfere with smooching.
DH has let his go. His excuse is grad school. It’s the neck hair that gets to me. But the lucky mustard looks about ten years younger without the facial hair so go figure.
Side note: armpits smell less when you have hair not the other way around.

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steph gas

awesome husband started growing out his beard weeks ago with some of the guys at work. he claims they’re going ‘full on duck dynasty’ and i’ve already threatened to trim while he’s sleeping. he trimmed his ‘stache but the beardy part is like flying out on the sides. picture farrah fawcett’s hair, all wispy and blown out, but on the side of his face. it’s horrible.

he’s had facial hair for a long time. the last time he was clean shaven i told him he looked creepy and agreed to let him grow it back without taunting him. but this… this is too much.

i threatened to let myself go hair wise too, but he doesn’t care. the medication i’m on seems to be severely inhibiting my hair growth anyway. i went two weeks without shaving my legs and he could barely tell. damn it.

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Shaun

True story, I have bald spots. I have tried the goatee many times and have failed each time along the way.

I am going to work in the soul patch this year to change it up. I am hoping it adds a little more extra in the “creepy factor”

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Meredith

NO ONE EVEN LIKES YOU, SHAUN SOLEAU!

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Michael

I’m with you Shaun. I can grow something resembling a goatee, but it’s much better to keep the whole bald.

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Michael

*whole chin bald

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jasmine

I love the post, but what pushed it over the top was Shaun’s comment above. I almost always read the comments on your post because you have some darn funny commenters!! Well done and I cannot wait to see the pictures from Movember with the soul patch!

Sorry Meredith I am normally on your side and I really am this time, but your posts about his facial hair are hysterical!! Can’t wait!

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Debbie

I guess I’m showing my age, but what’s a “soul patch”???

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Ashley

My, oh my! You’ve got quite an ornery husband on your hands! I want to note that while the mustache died in the 80s, the soul patch died violently in the 90s. Violently. Both are an abomination to otherwise quasi-attractive men, but I digress… I like your protest. It’s ballsy. Being as though I’m super pregnant, I’ve been dabbling in the no-shave idea. It’s pretty appealing; however, it repulses me. Like GAG. So I’m fumbling along anyways, but my husband isn’t putting out often enough to warrant all the effort. Ha.

To address your question: Keep your shit together, married folks! Just because someone is contractually obligated to love you in all your forms doesn’t mean they want to see you looking like a slob-o! A short phase, sure. An extended stay in slumpville, no thanks. :)

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Brittany

This totally made me laugh. There is a video where women talk about making December, decemBeaver. Where women shave nothing.

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Heather

HAHA! Now that is funny. Ray (my husband) has grown out his mustache before and I also HATE it. I HATE facial hair. He has done the beard thing too, and although he does NOT have bald spots (sorry Shaun), it still looks stupid! My opinion of course. His guy friends cheer him on. One year he shaved the facial hair ever so carefully to make the ‘perfect’ goatee, in his mind. He looked creepy, and I think I hated it even more than the mustache. He has never really asked me to do anything special for him, and if I do dress up he doesn’t seem to notice too much (maybe only at the wedding lol). I think our relationship is to the point where we don’t feel the need to? But you do make a good point, and maybe I will have to experiment when I actually get the motivation to go the extra mile and try to look good, for him. Who knows, maybe he will like it?

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The Constant Complainer

People do let themselves go and they shouldn’t. Keep yourself looking good and the marriage fresh. I’m ok with him doing the stache for charity – practically anything is ok when you’re using it earn money for charity.

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Rachel

I think it’s important for both people to continue to take care of ourselves during the relationship. It just shows that you still care enough to look your best and want to impress each other still. I’m not by any means saying EVERY DAY, but often enough so that when you look at each other after a long day of work/school/kids/etc., you remember why you fell in love in the first place…

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Beards

Great post. You seem to have a good understanding about it. When I entered your blog, I felt this. Come on and keep writing your blog will be more attractive to Your Success

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