I am writing to let you know that I am still not happy with you for refusing to put on pants last night.
When a tornado siren goes off, yes, we go to the basement. But while we are in the basement, you can put on pants. There was a pair right there in the dryer for you. Again, I am going to be really freaking pissed if we ever need to be rescued, and they pull you out of the rubble in nothing but boxer briefs.
I don’t think this is being silly. I think this is called “common sense”. Duh. Pants make sense during times of emergency.
And yes, last night was an emergency. The tornado sirens were going off. So I reacted appropriately. I would not say I “overreacted” or went to “worst case scenario” in my brain (as you like to call it).
These texts between my parents and I will prove that I was rational, and I was totally raised by totally rational people.
I mean, seriously.
Besides the fact that my mother clearly likes Lars better than our other kids, WE ARE RATIONAL PEOPLE!
And yes, the Thunder Buddy Song does make me feel better. So I will continue to sing it, at the top of my lungs, until you realize that tornados are scary.
According to my dad, they are even scarier than tampons. And tampons are super scary.
Also – I take it back about leaving the kids with Mike and Deanna. Dad is right. They don’t have enough bedrooms.
So in the end, I want you to realize that I am the one who will save us all, and I have a plan when emergencies strike. The bag of potato chips and 2 liter of pop didn’t walk down in the basement on their own. I took them there SO WE COULD SURVIVE.
Please put on pants the next time and stop telling me to stop yelling. It’s not panic. IT IS PASSION. PASSION ABOUT PANTS AND SURVIVAL.
Your Darling Wife