The Apples Don’t Effen Blow Far From the Tree

by Meredith on June 13, 2013

Dear Shaun,

I am writing to let you know that I am still not happy with you for refusing to put on pants last night.

When a tornado siren goes off, yes, we go to the basement. But while we are in the basement, you can put on pants. There was a pair right there in the dryer for you. Again, I am going to be really freaking pissed if we ever need to be rescued, and they pull you out of the rubble in nothing but boxer briefs.

I don’t think this is being silly. I think this is called “common sense”. Duh. Pants make sense during times of emergency.

And yes, last night was an emergency. The tornado sirens were going off. So I reacted appropriately. I would not say I “overreacted” or went to “worst case scenario” in my brain (as you like to call it).

These texts between my parents and I will prove that I was rational, and I was totally raised by totally rational people.

Texts from last night

I mean, seriously.

Besides the fact that my mother clearly likes Lars better than our other kids, WE ARE RATIONAL PEOPLE!

And yes, the Thunder Buddy Song does make me feel better. So I will continue to sing it, at the top of my lungs, until you realize that tornados are scary.

According to my dad, they are even scarier than tampons. And tampons are super scary.

Also – I take it back about leaving the kids with Mike and Deanna. Dad is right. They don’t have enough bedrooms.

So in the end, I want you to realize that I am the one who will save us all, and I have a plan when emergencies strike. The bag of potato chips and 2 liter of pop didn’t walk down in the basement on their own. I took them there SO WE COULD SURVIVE.

Please put on pants the next time and stop telling me to stop yelling. It’s not panic. IT IS PASSION. PASSION ABOUT PANTS AND SURVIVAL.


Your Darling Wife

{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

Miss Lifesaver

My boyfriend was in the shower when the sirens went out here. I immediately ran to tell him and went to get the dogs. He proceeded to finish his shower and begin shaving while I was in a PANIC trying to get him into the basement. Men just don’t understand.



I hope Shaun has learned his lesson and now knows that TORNADOS are scarrier than tampons!!! Put your pants on for your wife! Lol ;)



Holy crap! I am way up in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada and, we went through the same thing last night.
Torrential rain, hail, flooding, lightening with thunder 1 second after and the TV was crazy with Tornado warning and telling us all to get to cover. Ours would have been the furnace room. There is also a fridge and freezer in there. Solid room. The only one in the house encased in cement. Plus the only room with windows and man, we have windows.
I fell asleep in the recliner watching the warnings.
Woke up and the sky was dark but no funnel clouds and the warning had been taken down.



Without windows. DUH



Crap I wish they had earthquake sirens out here in CA. I hate not having a warning for a major disaster about to strike and we never know when to put on pants!!



My husband put on a bathrobe before we went to the basement last night.
If you’re ever wondering who the fuck wears bathrobes, it’s him.



When al the houses are blown down you will power everyone’s electricity with your car adaptar thingie and everyone will be saved.

I live in a town that had 7 tornadoes rip through it 30 years ago and everyone FREAKS out about them. If it thunders my kids think they need to go to the basement.


Nuala Reilly

I effing love you. Tornados are scarier than snakes, and that’s saying something.
Honestly though Meredith, just so you know, a tampon will never create a vortex in your pants, so they’re really not so bad.



Let me just say, I can totally relate and you were totally being reasonable.


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