Stop Mourning Matt Lauer

by Meredith on November 30, 2017

WOMAN 1: I’m just sad because I love Matt Lauer, and I am mourning the decisions of a man I loved.

WOMAN 2: It’s so sad when you find out someone isn’t who they said they were. I’m going to need some time to sort out my feelings about Matt. It’s normal for people to need time when you find out your friend did something bad. 

WOMAN 3: I’m #TeamMatt for life. He’s a good guy! And you don’t know if any of these claims are true! Women do falsely accuse men, you know. It must be scary to be a man right now. One false accusation from a bitter ex and your life is ruined!  

WOMAN 4: I feel bad for Hoda and Savannah. I can’t believe they blindsided them like that. You can tell they feel bad for the victims but still care deeply for Matt and were trying to process everything on live TV! 

***

Please stop saying you’re mourning the loss of who you thought Matt Lauer was. Or Louie CK. Or Al Franken. Or whoever. You didn’t know them. You know who knew them? The women they tormented.

I repeat, YOU 👏 DO 👏 NOT 👏 KNOW 👏 THESE 👏 MEN.

Every single time you show any sympathy towards these men, I take it personally. And I am 100% certain I’m not the only woman who wasn’t believed when she reported workplace harassment. It’s another slap in the face for us. You’re mourning a stranger who made life hell for someone he actually knew very well in his personal/work life.

It happened to me. And after I blew the whistle on him, an investigation launched that took FOR-EV-ER because no one believed me. They had to “make sure” because he was a “top performer”. I had to go to work and see my harasser every single day. And there was no way to avoid working on projects with him. So not only did I see him, I had to work with him every. single. day.

Because of the investigation, he knew I told our bosses what he did. And that just made him 100 times worse to be around. Suddenly, I became a real threat. He would say shitty things to me when no one was listening constantly like, “Do you have a problem with me still? Because you’ll go before me.”

Everything started falling apart because I told on him. I cried daily with my office door shut. I hated my life. I hated my job. I had no self respect. I drank too much. My performance at work fell off. I was a shit wife. I almost got a divorce.

But I just kept hanging on because I knew I needed to make amends for all the women who quit their jobs because of him. I knew I had to get this done for all the women who still worked there. I refused to let them down again. And I didn’t care if it cost me my job.

They finally believed me when I started recording and documenting every conversation I had with my harasser. Let that sink in: To make a safe workplace for me and the other women, I had to bring the receipts. It was the only way.

But it was too late for me. I lost so much respect for some of the people I worked with because after they finally did something about it, they felt sorry for the guy because “he was a long time friend”.

Really? You feel bad for this creep? And you’re openly talking to me about what a great friend he was to you, how bad you feel for him, and how you miss him? Can you please tell me how I ruined his life some more? Tell me again how “boys will be boys”. I love these little office chats we have.

The women at NBC have a similar story – HR wasn’t going to do anything other than alert the asshole, thus making their life worse. They were investigation Matt for months. I can tell you exactly why it all came out yesterday – the victims in the office couldn’t take working with this asshat anymore and leaked it to the press.

THIS 👏 IS 👏 WHY 👏 WOMEN 👏 DON’T 👏 ALWAYS 👏 REPORT.

It’s a fucking dramatic hassle that takes over your life. It’s easier to suck it up and allow it to happen. At least your job is secure and you won’t have to face the awkwardness of working together after a complaint is filed.

These men are showing their true predatory colors, as predatory men have done for all of history. They’re real smooth talkers.

photo credit: NBC

And I promise you, no one was surprised. Every woman, in every workplace in America, can identify the creeps. That shock and sadness was all an act. Hoda and Kathie Lee both continue to proclaim their love for Matt Lauer. And that’s a pretty shitty thing to do in front of his victims. Trust me. 

If you want to be sad about something, mourn the women whose careers have been ruined for blowing the whistle. We need your sisterhood right now.

Matt Lauer is just another bag of dicks who happens to read the news to you on a teleprompter.

You don’t know him. His victims know him.

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