Sex every single day? #GTFO.

by Meredith on August 18, 2014

Shaun: “Huh. Yet another woman is on the news who had sex every single day with her husband.”

Me: “I call BS. And why is this even newsworthy? I’ll tell you why – because it’s unreal.”

Shaun: “I want sex every single day.”

Me: “Good luck with that.”

There seems to be this new trend. Sex every night. I’ve seen no less than five news stories/highly shared blog posts in the past year about it from various women and men on the topic.

But one article/news story (click here), in particular, bothers me. Her five reasons are because women feel stripped of their femininity after childbirth, women should treat their husbands like a man, having a moment for the two of you, relieving stress, and sex is fun.

Listen girls, most husbands aren’t getting laid every day. I know because I talk about sex with my girlfriends. None of us are screwing every single day.

But what ends up happening after these news stories and blog posts is this…

WOMEN FEEL SHITTY ABOUT THEIR SEXUALITY FOR NOT HAVING DAILY SEX.

So ladies, let me take this pressure away from you. You’re totally normal. The reason we keep seeing these stories popping up is because sex every single day isn’t normal or practical or realistic. And also? I call BULLSHIT. I’ll let you in on a little secret… you can’t believe everything you read on the internet or see on the news.

But please show this article to your husband, since no one seems to be talking about why women don’t want to have sex all the time. I will fall on this sword for us.

So put your panties back on, girls, because this article is about to get really real.

MY GIRL BRAIN ISN’T HORNY EVERY SINGLE DAY. #GTFO.

I don’t think about sex all the time. This doesn’t bother me.

I will admit that I am hornier now in my dirty 30′s, but it’s a practical adult-like horny. I’m not playing DJ on my cookie when I’m stuck in traffic (Do I push that button every now and then? Certainly – it’s much quicker and less messy than sex).

Even people who claim to have sex every single day will tell you they had to force themselves to be in the mood.

I don’t want to force myself to have sex… BECAUSE IT IS FORCED SEX.

I want it to happen naturally. Like on Saturday nights between the third and fifth glass of wine. Horniness naturally sets in around 11:30pm. The kids are in bed, we’re hanging out, and all of the things I think about all day long have been washed away by the power of alcohol. Let’s get it on!

tumblr_inline_mh624sa7yD1rnvwt1

There you go, husbands! Want more sex? Keep wine around the house.

Because most girl brains? They’re complicated. We have to get in the mood. And this isn’t something that just happens, no matter what the Every-Day-Club will tell you.

PERSONAL SPACE IS A MOTHER F-ER FOR MOTHERS. #GTFO. 

Sometimes you just want to sit quietly, by yourself, and decompress. Especially if you’re a mother. My husband can poop in peace. But me? No way. Someone has to talk to me outside of the door or try to come inside.

funny-bathroom-break-kid-baby-hand-door-find-you-pics1

#GTFO

Desiring personal space seems pretty normal.

OUR SEX IS BETTER/KINKIER/MORE PASSIONATE/LASTS LONGER THAN YOUR DAILY SEX. I PROMISE. #GTFO.

I don’t believe that the Every-Day-Club isn’t having pull-your-panties-to-the-side-and-just-get-it-over-with-sex.

When we have sex, sometimes it lasts for a very long time. We’ve been known to have sex for hours with multiple orgasms, sprinkled with passionate kisses and confessions of love, body worship, and adoration.

I would rather have that kind of sex. It certainly holds me over for a few days. And yes, after our sex hang-overs, we are holding hands and sneaking kisses in the kitchen. You don’t need to knock boots on the daily to be affectionate or have a solid marriage.

I promise.

I AM MAD AT MY HUSBAND TODAY. #GTFO.

Having sex when the sight of him makes you want to scream… seems unhealthy. We have shit we need to work out before any panties are being dropped.

The argument here is that by having sex every single day, you argue less. Listen, we don’t have major arguments often. And when we did argue all the time (click here to read about that time we almost got a divorce), it’s because we had other things we needed to get figured out in our life.

Sex Band-Aids weren’t going to fix these issues.

Which begs the question, are people who are having sex every day just insecure in their relationships? Are you really arguing less? Are you afraid of what will happen if you don’t have sex for a few days? A week? Two weeks?

Work on your relationship first, and have make-up sex. Make-up sex is some of the best sex ever. What happens in your relationship when you can’t see the forest for the trees?

I AM MORE THAN MY VAGINA. #GTFO.

The part about making your man feel like a man is fucking humorous to me.

If I wanted to worry about making a man feel like a man, through the use of my vagina, I wouldn’t have gotten married. That was called… wait for it… college. It was insecure and questionable time in my life. I am now a grown up.

I married Shaun because he is my best friend and now life partner. I didn’t marry him because I needed to be worried that he would stray away from me if I didn’t wrap my personal flesh light around his stick nightly.

BODY ISSUES. #GTFO.

Sometimes you just feel real fat. Like, after you ate a giant dinner and you just want to lay on the couch and have farty garlic regrets.

And what about your period? Come on, we’ve all done the deed with a towel under our ass, but when you have blood clots the size of your hand pouring out of you, come talk to me about how you just can’t wait to have a big ‘ol penis in ‘ya.

tumblr_n41fzpRYXT1rezg5lo2_500

And after you have a baby? The doctor may say six weeks, I say more like nine. Push a baby out of your vagina sometime, boys. Then we can chat about the terror of putting anything back inside for the first time.

And when I’m sick? Go away. Just get away from me. Let me lay here and think about how I wish my husband would load the dishwasher so I can just lay here.

I DON’T HAVE A HEADACHE. I AM JUST TIRED, STRESSED OUT, OR BUSY PARENTING THINGS. #GTFO.

To dismiss daily life as a reason not to want sex is really fucking dumb.

It is OKAY to not want to do it because your kid is up all night puking. It is OKAY not to put out because your friend hurt your feelings today.

I’m not Harry Potter. I can’t just magic my way to the good part and yell, “Sexpecto!“. I am a human. Not a wizard. And being human is OKAY.

harry-hermione-ron-dance

I JUST DON’T WANT TO HAVE SEX TODAY. #GTFO.

Let’s be honest. Not many people want to have sex every single day. Even people with wieners don’t want to have sex every day. They just say they do because the others boys are saying they do, too.

Sure, men want to have sex. And yes, shockingly, so do women. But every single day? Give me a fucking break.

giphy

I know, I know… Someone is going to leave a comment about how they do want to have sex every single. That’s fine, YOUYOU go on ahead and bang it out on the regular. But please stop making us feel like shit because our libido isn’t like yours. And stop making us feel like shit because we don’t want a libido like yours

The Real Housewives is coming on at 10pm. It’s the only show I watch regularly. Shhhh…. Get off of me.

How often are you having sex?

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

SammichesPsychMeds

I’ve been having sex every single day, but that’s only because I have pregnancy-induced horniness and my husband’s afraid I might eat him if he doesn’t pork me. Usually, I’m in the every 2 weeks to 3 months club.

Reply

Meredith

Hahahaha! “I might eat him if he doesn’t pork me.” Legit man fear!

Reply

Theresa Lollis

This shit was hilarious! Sexpecto, garlic regret farts hahahaha, playing on my cookie like a DJ! You hit some real shit though for real like so what if you don’t have sex? If you feel like he is going to leave why do you feel like that? More sex isn’t going to cure that and having more sex isn’t going to make you feel less fat. Sometimes me and D have sex every day and that lasts about a week and then we won’t because my vagina hurts A LOT and when I am doing that it’s because my alphabet is rattling and I am in crazy town…I am horny when I am crazy it’s a symptom of my crazy and I am for real. I do sit and read things sometimes like fuck man I suck as a lover and then I start in on D like babe well what do you want me to do? Should I turn it around, flip it, drop it, shake it up???? In reality though I am not doing that shit every day because I don’t fucking want to. I am not saying I won’t give in once or twice for him but every day…no sir my vagina was not made to have things in it every day and there is not enough lube or vibrators in the world to make it so. I don’t care what anyone says. Another thing is when you have an orgasm you are seriously gone in the head and I can’t be in that state of mind all the time I don’t have time for that so three times a week or when we get around to it works out for us.

Reply

Joy

You’re hilarious and right! He tells me no more often than I tell him no. He’s like seriously we aren’t 18 anymore then we drink beer and watch game of thrones.

Reply

Heather

Everybody has a different libido that’s for sure!
I for one WISH I would want to have sex on Saturday night. It seems like tbe right thing to do. But I’m always too tired. Nighttime sex is a no for me, 99% of the time. Weekend morning sex for us! Making our average once on Saturday, once on Sunday, and then maaaaybe once on a weekday morn.

Reply

Jasmine

Not only is this post hystericl, but it’s true!! I totally agree with you.

Reply

Stacy KK

Those articles always make me feel like a bad wife, but then I remember the few times my husband has told me he doesn’t feel like it. Makes me remember that he doesn’t want it every day either. We try to every other night, sometimes its two nights in a row (if I’m tipsy the second night), sometimes there are a few nights between. As long as my husband gets some a couple times a week he is a happy camper.

Reply

Stephanie

Oh dear God this was fucking funny to read!
However it’s also very true.
I know Brittany (as in Brittany Gibbons) did it for a whole damn year.

I can’t let my boyfriend see this because he’s going to want to play this game and well i’m not in the mood.

Reply

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: