Everyone’s a food critic.

May 19, 2014

Those chips are fattening. Are those on your diet?  This is what a man said to me the other day, as I was eating a bag of chips from the vending machine. I responded by simply licking my fingers. I shouldn’t have to explain my food choices to anyone, or even feel the need to [...]

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Should I hire a realtor? Probably. Otherwise it will wind up like the time I thought I could tile my shower by simply watching YouTube videos.

May 16, 2014

This is my master bathroom shower. Two years ago, Shaun and I decided that we could rip out the fiberglass installed shower (SUCCESS!) and install a tile one… ALL. BY. OURSELVES. BY. WATCHING. YOUTUBE. VIDEOS. (FAIL!) This other time we patched our wall after watching YouTube videos. YouTube videos are great for learning things like The [...]

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The Seven Year Itch Series: Seven Years TODAY

May 12, 2014

Holy. Shit. Is today May 12th? Did Facebook really just save the day and remind me that today is our anniversary? I swear sometimes I’m the dude in this relationship. I forget important dates all the time. For the first three years of Logan’s life, I could have sworn his birthday was March 9th, instead [...]

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It Builds Character

May 9, 2014

Dear Lars, I’m super sorry about this morning. You know I would never normally get out of the Traverse or hold up traffic in the school’s drop off lane. But today I had no choice. Your brother’s book bag was stuck on his booster seat. I had to get out and help him. And then [...]

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Meredith’s Makeup Tutorial Series: 10 Minutes For Daytime Makeup

May 5, 2014

Do you remember a few weeks ago when I told you I was going to do a video makeup tutorial? Well, I’ve finally finished this daunting task. It took me FOR-EVER to complete this video because I don’t like the way I look without makeup. I walk around talking about girl power all the time, [...]

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Dear Random Girl From Swanton High School, Who Hates Me, Because I Obviously Did You Wrong, But I Don’t Remember Because I Have ADHD, But Anyway…

April 16, 2014

Dear Random Girl, I just want to start by saying, by process of elimination, I have narrowed it down to maybe four girls from high school who probably want to rub Icy-Hot in the crotch of all of my panties. I am looking at you, She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. I don’t know what I did to you. I [...]

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Meredith’s Makeup Tutorial Series: Buy this stuff.

April 10, 2014

Dear Meredith, Can you tell us how you do your make-up? Or at least what’s in your makeup bag? Thanks, Old and Frumpy Feeling *** Dear Old and Frumpy Feeling, Stop it. You stop it now. I am 34-years-old, I have dark circles under my eyes, I have zits and blackheads, I pick my zits [...]

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Sometimes you just yell things at the wrong times because it’s loud and stuff.

March 20, 2014

LARS: Mom, I forgot to tell you. I have to be at the school at 7 o’clock. It’s our Spring concert tonight. ME: Lars! It’s six-thirty! I just walked through the door, your sister is sleeping, and your brother is going crazy! This is how life goes at the Soleau house. We wing it. I [...]

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Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down for the information he wants.

March 6, 2014

Shaun Soleau is an excellent Mathematician. I can totally spell and define the word “mathematician”. Lars is now in the Fifth Grade. His Math class is getting really difficult. For me. Mom, we just touched on square roots today. Can you explain to me again how to find the square root of sixty-four? I forget what [...]

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A Sobering Look at the Art Of “Mommy Wars”

February 20, 2014

Mommy Wars: ˈmämē/ wôrs plural proper noun   1. one’s mother (chiefly as a child’s term) is in a state of conflict with another one’s mother about a certain ways of mothering things (specifically their children). In her mind, she’s clearly better than another one’s mother. These conflicts are typically released via Facebook, Twitter, blogs, Babble, and/or [...]

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