I have this talent.
And when I say talent, I mean, I have been perfecting this skill for as long as I can remember. Practicing and perfecting my talent has brought me massive amounts of joy and pain. I’ve laughed, I’ve cried, and I’ve questioned what I’m doing with my life. It’s been a lot of hard work, but it’s all been worth it. Because today? Today, I am finally ready to share the spoils of my talent with you.
I can spend money like you wouldn’t believe.
I have wasted a ton of money on shitty face creams, fad diets, ill fitting shoes, pyramid scheme crap, fashion dos and don’ts, every eyebrow pencil under the sun, books I’ll never get around to reading, electronic devices I don’t need, teeth whitening systems, purses, wine, wine, and more wine.
Most of it has been bullshit. Things I would never confess to buying. Things from infomercials, like NADS hair removal cream… remember that shit?
But today I want to share with you the VERY BEST money can buy. And the best part is, some of it doesn’t cost much.
That’s right, bitches. You can have champagne taste on a beer budget.
$11 Reclaimed Belle Earrings
My friend, Dominique, makes these beautiful earrings with her own hands.
They’re sparkly, long lasting, and inexpensive. Every time I wear them, I get loads of compliments. I’ve been known to take them out of my ears and give them away. My envious girlfriends can have them under one condition, they must tell others about her earrings when they get compliments. Word of mouth is the best marketing, and I love supporting a fellow woman hustler. Sisterhood of the magical earrings, y’all.
She has a special discount code for my readers! Enter MER40 for 40% off! I love this lady so much!
Buy them: Reclaimed Belle Earrings
$5 Olive Oil Nablus Soap
I watched this soap documentary (or maybe it was on Vice News – who can remember?). Anyway, they were making this soap by hand, as generations before have done, on the West Bank. They only make it this one way in this one spot in the whole world. It’s really gentle and all natural, made from olive oil.
I use a bar to wash my face. My son has super sensitive skin, so he uses his own bar for his body. I love this more than Clinque’s mild facial cleanser. Yeah… it’s THAT good. It’s a pretty big bar. It lasts a long time.
Buy it: Olive Oil Nablus Soap – Al Jamal
I shit you not, this is THE BEST mascara on the market. I thought the $20 tube of Better Than Sex by Too Faced was the best mascara, but this dupe is better.
$18 Chinese Leather Shoes
I have sold so many of these damn shoes to my friends that China should be giving me profit sharing. They are beyond comfortable. They’re real leather. And they’re so ugly, they’re cute!
These are the perfect shoes to wear when you’re going to be on your feet all day. My mom has arch problems and has to wear a support, and even she loves them. I have Fred Flinstone feet (they’re as wide as they are long – pictured above), and I love them. Girls with skinny feet love them. Literally everyone loves them.
Just don’t get them wet, or the cushion inside will fall out and remind you that you only spent $18 on them.
$40 Kate Spade Mega 17-Month Planner
I love this planner. The cover doesn’t fall of it like my old Erin Condren, and it’s bigger than normal paper size, so you don’t have to fold things up to fit them in the pouches. There are TONS of extra papers in here just for notes.
I like to use the overall calendar part for my appointments and then write my days in detail on the more spacious calendar part. Mainly because I forget all the conversations I have everyday with clients, so all I have to do is look back at that day. Like a diary.
Figure out where to buy it: Kate Spade 17-Month Mega Agenda
$139 8-Quart Instant Pot
This damn thing has CHANGED MY LIFE. I am not exaggerating. It’s the best thing ever for a busy parents and/or parents who hate cooking. It makes the best soups, ribs, pot roasts, rice dishes, noodle dishes, steamed veggies, low country boils, and cheesecakes. Homemade mac & cheese in five minutes?! SOLD!
Plus it has a cult following. There are entire Facebook groups dedicated to recipe sharing. I’ve discovered so many new dishes that my family loves. They think I learned how to cook, guys! I totally have them fooled!
$49 Satisfyer Pro 2
It sucks on your clit. Zero to orgasm is 3 seconds — I’m not joking. I take orgasms very seriously. I have a whole chest of toys. This is the best of the best. The first time you try it, you’ll be like, “What the fuck just happened?!” The second time you try it, you’ll be like, “I don’t have time for myself, but I can find 3 seconds. I’m now a better human because Meredith told me how to get off so hard and so quick.”
Buy it: Satisfyer Pro 2
Gwynnie Bee Clothing Rental
There is nothing I love more than receiving a purple box in the mail. I rent my clothes. On the outside, you may be thinking, “Wow, you spend money to rent clothes you don’t own?” But in reality, it’s a huge cost savings for me. I was spending a TON of money every month on clothes. I was buying clothes I didn’t love, and wearing them just because they fit. And then I would wear them a couple times and be sick of them. The money cycle on clothing was endless.
I rent 7 things at a time right now. It costs me $179 a month. Don’t gasp! I’m constantly rotating these items. One month I went through 31 items in a single month. 31 name-brand plus-size items would have cost me thousands of dollars because they charge fat girls more for clothes. The items look BRAND NEW. And if you accidentally damage something, they don’t care. If you love something, you can buy it at a discount and keep it forever.
There is a phone app you use to tell them you’re ready to send something back. You pick what you want them to send you next. They will send you new stuff ASAP, so you’re never without one of your items. Constant wardrobe rotation.
I feel more confident now in my clothes. Their stylists understand bodies that are size 10 and up. And anytime I feel like I want to go shopping for clothes, I just log into my app and pick out some new stuff. It’s already paid for. My advice for ultimate success is to read the reviews on the clothes. We all get to rate things after we wear them. Only pick things with 4+ stars. Their inventory is constantly changing.
You can try it free for 30 days. Plans begin at $49/month. If you sign up to try it, please use my referral code. I’ll get $25 off this month or some shit. Sign up here.
$700 Tuft & Needle King-Size Mattress
We had the shittiest mattress prior to this bed. I had no idea how bad it was until this beauty arrived in my life. Yes, it comes in a box and it’s made of some sort of outerspace foam. But we’ve had ours since 2015, and it doesn’t have any body dents. Still good as new! And we’re fat people!
It’s impossibly soft and firm all at once. The best part? SEVEN HUNDRED DOLLARS FOR A KING-SIZE MATTRESS. It has the highest rating on Amazon for mattresses. My girlfriend recommended it, and I was nervous about buying a mattress online, but I read all these reviews and figured out they’ll pick it up and send your money back if you hate it. So I pulled the trigger. I’m happy I did. Mattress shopping in stores is gross, anyway. I don’t want to lay my clean head where other people have laid their dirty heads.
$20 Whispering Angel Rosé
Admittedly, I bought this bottle of wine because The Real Housewives drink it in every city. And those are some bougie women. I want to be fancy and rich. So imagine my surprise when I finally got my hands on this stuff and it was only $20!
It’s super delicious. I’m a rosé expert, and this is a really great bottle of wine. It’s dry.
Have fun trying to find it. Bravo fans buy it up en masse. If you find it, buy me some, and ship it to me as a gift for creating this list of your new favorite things.
More info: Whispering Angel
Oh, and if you wonder how #DryJanuary went — I made it to January 12th. A personal best!
Now go spend, cuties! You work hard and deserve it. Cheers!