I don’t feel like writing about sex today over at Curvy Girl Guide. I’m too stressed out to think about it.
As a matter of fact, I am so stressed out, that my right eye has a twitch when I think about the stress. Do you even know how un-sexy right eye twitches look?
I look like I am constantly winking. It’s embarrassing.
Yesterday at work, my co-worker noticed my right eye twitch, and said, “Stress is doing this to you? You’re so weird sometimes! But oddly, I think that’s why I like you so much.”
So in the spirit of weirdness and quirks, and the little things that make us unique, let’s all share the weird things that make us individuals.
I’ll go first.
1. I don’t like to cuddle.
Okay, this is going to sound terrible. Especially since I am a wife and a mother.
I don’t like to cuddle.
I force myself to cuddle so I don’t raise a bunch of axe murders, but the reality of it is, I like to be by myself without everyone on top of me.
Personal space, people. Personal space.
2. I think people, even my best friends, talk bad about me behind my back.
This insecurity boils down to trust issues.
I have serious trust issues.
I think these issues stem from my Bridesmaids. I only talk to 50% of my Bridesmaids. The other 50% can go to Hell.
These women were supposed to be my bestest friends, but they proved to be catty over the years.
I know I have great friends, but I just can’t help but to think they are talking about me.
3. I’m completely unorganized in my work-space.
There’s a place for everything, and everything’s in it’s place? That only happens at my home. Not in my office. My office is composed of piles and piles and piles of paper.
I don’t really know where to file some of this stuff.
I had this brilliant idea (truly, it was brilliant) to scan everything and create electronic files. So I began to scan everything, but then I felt afraid to throw the actual papers in the shredder. WHAT IF SOMEONE WANTS THE ORIGINAL PAPER?! So now I have all of these scanned documents… and piles and piles of paper.
I just cannot throw things away.
Oh, and I never delete a work email. Ever.
There are days that I wish my work office would just burn down and my email account would just explode, just so I could release myself from all of these clutter-y things.
It’s a truly maddening cycle.
4. I once humped my teddy bear when I was in Junior High.
Ironically, my teddy bear was named, “Cuddles”.
Maybe this why I don’t like to cuddle.
Also? This is why I freak out when my ten-year-old son wants to close his door at night. No closed doors. I know what those weirdo kids are doing in there! I used to be one!
Oh, and my Barbies used to lay naked together.
Oh, and Michael Campesino and I, when we were both five-years-old, would climb to the top of our babysitter’s closet when we were supposed to be taking a nap. At the top of this closet, were her husband’s old Playboy magazines. We would look at them very quietly, and we never got caught.
So I guess I should blame Michael Campesino, or the babysitter’s husband, for sparking my interest in sex in the first place.
5. I hate unexpected visitors. Mainly because I’m probably not wearing any pants.
As soon as I come home from work, I peel off my pants and Spanx, and I walk around for the rest of the night in just my shirt and underwear.
It’s only awkward for anyone who isn’t me.
When the doorbell rings, I Army crawl under the windows until I reach the stairs, and then I sprint up the stairs to find some pants, and then I sprint back down the stairs to answer the door.
Unexpected guests probably wonder why I’m breathing so hard.
6. I cannot pose for a picture in a flattering way, so I just act silly in all of them.
In my head, if I just act goofy, people will think, “Oh, look at her, she’s so funny!” Instead of, “Wow! Un-photogenic, anyone? Look at all those chins!”
No extra chins!
Okay, so those are just some of my weird quirks. I have, like, a million more.
Now it’s your turn! What makes you a weirdo? TELL ME ALL THE THINGS.