More Weird Things

by Meredith on March 15, 2013

I don’t feel like writing about sex today over at Curvy Girl Guide. I’m too stressed out to think about it.

As a matter of fact, I am so stressed out, that my right eye has a twitch when I think about the stress. Do you even know how un-sexy right eye twitches look?

I look like I am constantly winking. It’s embarrassing.

Yesterday at work, my co-worker noticed my right eye twitch, and said, “Stress is doing this to you? You’re so weird sometimes! But oddly, I think that’s why I like you so much.”

So in the spirit of weirdness and quirks, and the little things that make us unique, let’s all share the weird things that make us individuals.

I’ll go first.

1. I don’t like to cuddle.

Okay, this is going to sound terrible. Especially since I am a wife and a mother.

I don’t like to cuddle.

I force myself to cuddle so I don’t raise a bunch of axe murders, but the reality of it is, I like to be by myself without everyone on top of me.

Personal space, people. Personal space.

2. I think people, even my best friends, talk bad about me behind my back.

This insecurity boils down to trust issues.

I have serious trust issues.

I think these issues stem from my Bridesmaids. I only talk to 50% of my Bridesmaids. The other 50% can go to Hell.

These women were supposed to be my bestest friends, but they proved to be catty over the years.

I know I have great friends, but I just can’t help but to think they are talking about me.

3. I’m completely unorganized in my work-space.

There’s a place for everything, and everything’s in it’s place? That only happens at my home. Not in my office. My office is composed of piles and piles and piles of paper.

I don’t really know where to file some of this stuff.

I had this brilliant idea (truly, it was brilliant) to scan everything and create electronic files. So I began to scan everything, but then I felt afraid to throw the actual papers in the shredder. WHAT IF SOMEONE WANTS THE ORIGINAL PAPER?! So now I have all of these scanned documents… and piles and piles of paper.

I just cannot throw things away.

Oh, and I never delete a work email. Ever.

There are days that I wish my work office would just burn down and my email account would just explode, just so I could release myself from all of these clutter-y things.

It’s a truly maddening cycle.

4. I once humped my teddy bear when I was in Junior High.

Ironically, my teddy bear was named, “Cuddles”.

Maybe this why I don’t like to cuddle.

Also? This is why I freak out when my ten-year-old son wants to close his door at night. No closed doors. I know what those weirdo kids are doing in there! I used to be one!

Oh, and my Barbies used to lay naked together.

Oh, and Michael Campesino and I, when we were both five-years-old, would climb to the top of our babysitter’s closet when we were supposed to be taking a nap. At the top of this closet, were her husband’s old Playboy magazines. We would look at them very quietly, and we never got caught.

So I guess I should blame Michael Campesino, or the babysitter’s husband, for sparking my interest in sex in the first place.

5.  I hate unexpected visitors. Mainly because I’m probably not wearing any pants.

As soon as I come home from work, I peel off my pants and Spanx, and I walk around for the rest of the night in just my shirt and underwear.

It’s only awkward for anyone who isn’t me.

When the doorbell rings, I Army crawl under the windows until I reach the stairs, and then I sprint up the stairs to find some pants, and then I sprint back down the stairs to answer the door.

Unexpected guests probably wonder why I’m breathing so hard.

6. I cannot pose for a picture in a flattering way, so I just act silly in all of them.

In my head, if I just act goofy, people will think, “Oh, look at her, she’s so funny!” Instead of, “Wow! Un-photogenic, anyone? Look at all those chins!”

See?

Meredith Soleau11Meredith Soleau BJ Face

No extra chins!

My friends look perfect, and I end up looking like I am always ready to give a blowie.

***

Okay, so those are just some of my weird quirks. I have, like, a million more.

Now it’s your turn! What makes you a weirdo? TELL ME ALL THE THINGS. 

{ 39 comments… read them below or add one }

Brittany

I’m going to have a camera rolling for our next photoshoot. The world needs to see it live. You can’t even explain it in words how awkwardly hilarious it is.

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Meredith

Thanks, pal.

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Rachel

I’d rather be making a funny face than how I tend to look in pictures. Yes, my multiple chins bother me but the “I just smelled shit” look on my face is the real problem. My husband has a whole phone full of these pictures of me that he refuses to delete.

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Meredith

BAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! HAAAAAAA!

We should take a picture together sometime.

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steph gas

the not-cuddling thing is not that strange. my mother was not very physically demonstrative, and as we got older, my brother and i realized it was just that she liked her personal space. she showed us love in so many other ways. i love cuddling. my husband doesn’t like cuddling. and we used to hang out with another married couple – the hubby liked cuddling, the wife did not. her hubby and i would actually cuddle on the couch when we were hanging out and watching movies (it’s not weird. shut up.).

it may be a bit weird that i wasn’t wearing pants most of the time. i hate pants. were were close with this couple, and as soon as i walked in their place, i’d put my shit down, take off my shoes, and take of my pants.

and cuddle, pantsless, with her husband.

maybe it is weird. fuck.

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Kana

Laughed suddenly and snotted a little, it was that funny – this counts as both a quirky confession and a Go You, Steph!

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steph gas

hey, pants suck. they’re all tight and clothesy. my thighs get claustrophobic. at least that’s what i call it. it’s more like restless leg syndrome.

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Meredith

Yeah, that’s a little… weird.

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Kathy

I will post my weirdies soon ( the abridged version, less the forever-on-the-interweb evidence that can be used against me in a court of law all Jodi Arias epic trialstyle!)
I will quickly say that you are NOT alone in the work clutter issue! When I was working, I could not delete emails …. For a lowly assistant, I had the most space used in the entire company for my email. More than even the plant manager. The VERY TOLERANT I.T. guy set up filters and back ups and archives and all kinds of other techie termed things to try to reduce my email overload..to no avail!
I also scanned my documents ( ALL shipping/receiving/inventory etc. related papers for the entire company) into desktop folders, and still kept hard copies in the event ohmygod someone will SOOO need this or that scrap of scratch paper one day.
Up until my last day, I literally had every paper for the entire 8 1/2 years saved on desktop and file boxed!!
( I feel that I should be able to add that über important characteristic on my résumé?! )
(You are the HR pro, surely I can get a what!what! from you on that?!)

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Meredith

Yes, we need to start adding this to our resumes. GENIUS IDEA!

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Tawny

I only talk to one bridesmaid out of four. If I could do it again I would not have had a wedding party.
I am super organized at work, yet super messy at home. I also pose funny for pictures (I call it the chunky girl special) even when I was losing weight I still did it.
When I get home the first thing I do is take off all my clothes and put on pajamas. My husband timed me once – I was naked in 12 seconds. Awesome.

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Meredith

If I could do it again, I would not make anyone EVER be a Bridesmaid. I would just invite my friends, tell them to show and get drunk, and they could wear anything they’d like.

The person who helped me the most was my sister-in-law, and she refused to be in the wedding.

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Anna

My husband and I got married by ourselves in Vegas. It was a planned ceremony, we wore wedding clothes, it was all very beautiful. I just did not want to deal with bridesmaids, flowers, and the like. When we got back home we threw a huge wedding reception and had the best time! I enjoyed both days so much without having to stress out about the other.

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Kelly

That’s what we did. no bridesmaids or groomsmen. Just open bar, our friends, great food and good music. It was the best day of me life.

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JN

I wear socks all the time b/c I hate the way my feet look. I mean, I don’t wear them in the shower, but I can’t be barefoot for long periods of time.

I get annoyed if someone reads a magazine or paper that I bought for myself, before I read it. When my daughter starts tearing through the Sunday paper to get to the comics it annoys me.

Finally, I can’t really eat chicken off the bone. My mother used to wash dishes, I had to dry them and while I was drying them, she would clean whole chickens in the sink. To this day I can still recall the sound of her sawing off drumsticks with a serrated knife….

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Meredith

OMG! I CANNOT EAT CHICKEN OFF THE BONE!

I use a fork and peel it back.

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Nikki J.

Oh your webhoster doesn’t have the space for my list! I’ve got a few that are worth mentioning though…

I HATE SHOES. Really, that statement most likely comes from my funny, weird bent toes. They just don’t fit in shoes right and often hurt and get beat up. Luckily for me I moved to Texas from Illinois (not cause of my toes) where it is much warmer and I can wear less shoes. Amazingly my ugly feet haven’t stopped me from wearing sandals every chance I can.

I’ve got this obsession with hats, but I never wear them. I love them, try them on and buy them but they all just sit there. I’m always told how cute I look in hats and that I’m a “hat person”, but they never seem to make it onto my head.

I’m not sure I feel heat like other people do. One of my life’s finest pleasures is taking a shower that is so hot, turns my skin so pink that more than likely it’s very unhealthy. Don’t worry; this is a special occasion thing, not always. Based on the fact how much I love summer heat, and really don’t find the 110 degree Texas sun to be that bad while others are burning up makes me think my internal thermometer is off a bit.

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Meredith

I love hats, too!

I try to wear them but I have noticed that maybe I am not a hat person because people always say things in a sarcastic way like, “Nice hat!”

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Kathy

I have a terrible sweat problem. I sweat from my arm pits all of the time, even if I am physically cold … I can still nervous sweat profusely. Also, my right arm pit sweats even more than my left. I carry deodorant everywhere I go… Apply and reapply more than any human should and yet I will no doubt gave copious amount of sweat coming from my pits.
With that, I obsessively notice other people’s arm pits to see if they are sweating. Red carpet events infuriate me because all of those stars say how hot they are and that they are sweating…. And I scream bullshit on that because I would need 5 dresses just to get thru the red carpet part itself. There is nothing more attractive than big ass pit marks every where you go :/

I absolutely can NOT get into an unmade bed. The mere thought of messy sheets ,blankets and pillows strewn about haphazardly gives me hives.

I HATE plain white socks for myself. In fact, I don’t even like the color white to be in my sock pattern at all. If I had to choose between wearing white socks, or freezing my feet off… Bring on the frostbite and gangrene!

Last weirdie for today… I am obsessed with the feel of earlobes! Ever since I was a toddler, I would fall asleep rubbing my moms earlobe. I would sit for hours rubbing my kids lobes when they were babies. When my boyfriend and I cuddle (!!!!) I rub his earlobes ( drives him nuts!) and when I kiss he or my boys, I automatically give their ear lobe a quick tug.
That, right there!! Is the craziest thing I have ever written on the Internet! Funtimes!!

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Meredith

You win, weirdo.

JUST KIDDING!

Okay, so I barely ever wear socks. I hate them. I am anti-sock. And my son used to rub my earlobes when I would feed him his bottle. I wonder if he also has a “thing” for the lobes…

Thanks for writing this on the internet!

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Michael

You’re not alone with the earlobe thing. I had a girlfriend that used to do the same thing!

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Anna

When I was a baby, my mom would rub the the ridges of my ears right near the top, and I started doing it to soothe myself or relax. I still do it, especially if my thumbnail breaks and I have to cut it short because it feels good on my thumb and ear! I rub all around the nail and cuticle. I also think the bumps at the tops of my ears are bigger than they might be because of decades of being rubbed. This sounds really strange when you stop to explain it!

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Kathy

Winning the Internet weirdie award is Amazeballs!

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chrisinphx

I’m right with you on the pants thing! I can’t get outta my work clothes fast enough once I get home. Also, I will not answer the door if you didn’t call and announce your arrival before hand.

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Meredith

I know, I don’t want to answer the door either. But I feel like THEY KNOW I am inside.

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chrisinphx

I know that they know I am inside and still don’t care LOL! Sometime’s it feels good to be a gangsta

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Kristy Tucker

I am the same way with pants! People I know have been told, to call or text, no surprise visits or they are gonna get an eyeful!

One of my other weirdo things is going through the mail. My hubby usually brings the mail in when he gets home and then I go through it, on occasion he looks through it before handing it over and I almost feel like I will have a panic attack when he does that. I don’t know why, it’s not like the CIS actually sends my orders to the house ;) It’s crazy though and I don’t really know when it started.

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Meredith

I am the opposite with mail at home!

I figure I pay all my bills online anyway, so I just throw most things out without ever opening it.

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Nuala Reilly

I am opposite about the organised thing. I am super crazy organised at work and not at all at home.
I can’t abide people who aren’t nice to animals.
I worry about people talking behind my back too, and I actually know for sure that there is at least one group in town of people who do it.
I love social situations but at the same time and always completely freaked out about whether or not people will like me.

Plus, I invent friendships in my head with people who I am sure I would totally be friends with if I knew them in real life. There’s a lot of authors and famous people on that list and yes, you and Brittany Gibbons are totally on it as well.

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Meredith

Inventing friendships is NOT weird. We are totally friends in my head as well.

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Nuala Reilly

I KNEW IT!!!! (yay!!)

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Laurie

I’m the same about clothes – on the rare occasion I work out of the house, the second I get in, I’m into my lounge clothes – yoga pants and a tank top. Though the good thing about being a bit anti-social and hermit-y is no one ever comes to the door. :)

I have a pile of odd quirks (I think I generally am an odd quirk). Probably my oddest – I refuse to go through the car wash. When I was very young, I’d scream if we even drove on the street where the car wash is, now, I can drive by one, but I’m still not going in.

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Robin

I always think my friends are talking about me too. I just chalked my neuroses up to being sort-of conceited. It’s nice to know i’m not alone in my weirdness.

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Justin

Oh you want to talk weird? Okay, I’ve got some unattractive ones for you!

1. Everytime I have a stray eyelash or eyebrow hair, I have to rub it over my lips before I discard it. I have no idea why, maybe I’m trying to find my ticklish spot?

2. I am a HUGE advocate of nasal hygiene. If I have a booger in there, it has to come out pronto, regardless if there are tissues available or not.

3. If I pass gas, I will always announce that it’s me. Even if I’m alone! I had this beautiful woman leave my apartment the other night, and when she was down the stairs I let one go, then proceeded to say outloud, “I farted!” She turned around and asked me, “What?” and I regained my senses and said, “Lemme know when you get home!”

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Anna

I cannot stop laughing at that last one!

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Kelly

1) I don’t like to wear pants when I’m cooking! My grandaughter was over we were making cookies, I had my pants on, she took hers off. My husband cracked up! The apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree. Thank goodness these people love me.
2) I took up running at 43 years old. I’m seriously adiccted to the high you get at the finish line of races, but training, training sucks. Don’t believe anyone who tells you different.
3) I freak out if anyone reads my magazines before me.
4) I always worry when I have a party that no one will show up, and if they do I worry the party will be lame.

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erica

If my feet touch the ground at any point during the night, I have to pee. If I stick my hands in any amount of water I have to pee. If I hear running water I have to pee. I spend a lot of time peeing really.

The pants thing CRACKS me up because I immediately take mine off when I get home and change into “house clothes.” The Husband always shakes his head and laughs and asks me where my pants are. The funny thing is my daughter did it once recently and I wasn’t sure he would ever stop laughing.

I have get weird about meat germs and even after I have sanitized a part of the counter that had meat packaging on it I won’t use that part of the counter for like days. It is so stupid.

I am always worried about upsetting people or people being mad at me. I totally stress if I have upset someone even if I KNOW I was right to say something/not do something. This part about myself is frustrating.

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Samantha

Out of a wedding party of 8 – we only speak to one groomsmen and the maid of honor.
Got ya beat!

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Brooke

I remember a certain somebody pulling an unannounced pop-in on me when I was trying to be all post-partum anti-social … and I’m pretty sure I was in my underwear

Love you!

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