I’ve never had a massage because I don’t like being touched.
No hand holding.
And certainly no stranger-hands rubbing all over me.
Unless I am drunk. And then let the touching begin.
I met Rebecca Walls at a session I was teaching locally on social media for business. She’s a licensed massage therapist. She told me months ago all of the reasons I should get a massage. But in spite of the medical advantages she was telling me about, all I could think about was having stranger-hands all over my body.
Which? Was a fun concept in college, but now it just felt like OMG THERE WILL BE STRANGER-HANDS ALL OVER MY BODY.
Also? I had never had a massage, so I didn’t know things. Like how to act.
Do you take off all of your clothes?
Where exactly are you getting rubbed down? I’ve heard about weird things happening at massage parlors, like rub and tugs.
What if I get so relaxed that I fart? Do I fart in my sleep? I don’t even know. What if I fall asleep? Are you allowed to sleep?
I bruise super easily. What if she bruises me, and then everyone thinks Shaun beat the crap out of me?
I have cellulite. She will see my cellulite.
And there’s the whole I’M-A-FEET-CUTTER thing (which went away for a few months, but has had a sudden flare up from the stress of my recent job change). Crap. No one can touch my feet. Ever.
But Rebecca’s words kept ringing in my head. A massage would help me loosen up. A massage would make me feel better. A massage would be good for my body and soul.
So I sucked it up and went to see her… cut up feet and all.
If you’ve never had a massage, let me tell you, you need to go get one immediately.
PLEASE PEE & REMOVE YOUR SPANX
Rebecca practices at a nice healthcare facility in Bowling Green. Everything felt very spa-like, in spite of being in a medical facility. I could be wrong, but I think there were monks singing when I walked through her door.
First, she told me to go to the bathroom. So I did. I guess this how she keeps people from farting or peeing on the table. When I came back she said I was ready to relax. Yes, peeing would prevent me from relaxing.
And then she told me to take off all of my clothes, except for my underwear, and lay under the sheet. Back to not being relaxed. Clearly it was time for an inappropriate joke.
So no Spanx? It usually takes lots of vodka to get those things off, Rebecca. You’re good at what you do.
She laughed at my uncomfortable joke, and I knew in that moment everything was going to be fine, even if I was about to be naked with stranger-hands all over me.
THE FACING UP PART
Okay, so I was worried about this part. Would she massage my boobs? Like my doctor did that time he checked for lumps? No.
While facing up, I had my arms, clavicle area, shoulders, legs, and feet rubbed. It was spectacular.
She also flexed my hips and legs. Also spectacular.
THE FACING DOWN PART
I put my head in this half circle pillow thing. She told me to let my arms fall wherever they felt comfortable. So I ended up just letting them hang over the sides of the bed.
While facing down, she really worked between my shoulder blades. This is where I carry all my stress. I knew that, and she found it immediately. My body couldn’t lie to her. I was stressed out. She began talking to me about stress and the benefits of massage.
She finished by rubbing my legs, arms, shoulders, and back to my feet. I felt like I should give her a foot disclaimer. She didn’t care. She told me she massages all kinds of people – young, old, even in hospice. So my feet were not a concern of hers.
I never farted.
MY NEW ADDICTION
After an hour (which flew by – I could have stayed longer), it was time to leave.
I asked a friend before going, and you are supposed to tip 20%. So I tipped her, thanked her, and went out to my car.
You guys, I was so happy on my drive back home. I felt like the weight of the world had just been lifted off my shoulders. It has even helped my thought process. I don’t have these nagging negative thoughts about the career decisions I’ve made in the back of my brain anymore. It has totally helped me mentally move forward with my life.
Anyway, I don’t endorse anything or anyone, unless I fully love the person or product. Rebecca Walls gets my full endorsement (CLICK HERE FOR HER CONTACT INFORMATION). She is a miracle worker, and I plan to see her every four weeks for the rest of my life. I even made Shaun an appointment. It doesn’t even weird me out that a lady will be touching him. We deserve to feel this good.
Do you get massages? Were you also worried about what you look like naked and farting?