I hate checking my voicemail. And I am not alone.
Yesterday, I conducted a VERY official Facebook study. After 40-something comments, I can conclude that EVERYONE hates checking voicemail (unless it is from their 90 year-old grandmother, in which case, voicemail is okay).
And the list went on and on and on. One person said they like their man to leave a voicemail (which I can relate to – mainly because I like to see if the background noise jives with where he is supposed to be located). And one person said that for business voicemail is okay (which is kind of alright-ish with me… as long as you don’t want me to buy a magazine subscription or look at payroll software).
As we travel into this new generation of smart everything and toilets that flush themselves, I would like to start a NO-VOICEMAIL-MOVEMENT!
Do not do this anymore:
- Hey, it’s me. Call me. (Dude, CALL YOU ABOUT WHAT?! Tell me what the fuck you want so that I can decide if I should even respond to you.)
- Meredith, this is so important. I left something on your doorstep. I hope no one steals it. (What is it? Is it a bag of marijuana? A new purse? Should I leave work now and go get it?)
- Haven’t spoke to you in awhile. Are you still alive? Your blog post the other day was hilarious. (I’m not blogging from my grave. So I think it’s safe to say I am still alive.)
- Sorry to leave you this message. I’ll just email you what I need. (Um. Then why did you leave this message?)
- Hi, Meredith! I was interested in the job you posted. Please call me back. (Sure! What’s your name and phone number?)
- I just read your text. I have an answer for you about dinner. Call me back. (Just text me back the answer. Where we eat dinner tonight is not a big deal.)
- I even don’t why I am leaving you this message. I know you hate voicemail and never check them. (????!!!!)
- This is Capital One. We have some opportunities for you. Please call us back. (Dear Bill Collector, I pay all of my bills online. That payment will be made on my next payday.)
- Hi, Meredith! Long time no see. It was so great running into you the other night at Bar Louie. Gosh, did you see Michelle? She was WASTED! Maybe I was as well. Anyway, I just wanted to say that it was so good to see you. Do you watch Modern Family? You remind me of Claire. Or maybe it’s the wife from The Middle. Anyway, you are funny like a TV mom. We should go out to eat sometime. Do you like sushi? I think I remember you saying that. Gosh, thanks so much for giving me your phone number. I know this message is getting long, so I had better hang up now. Call me!
Bottom line – I have to put in a code to get to my messages and the “4” button sticks on my stupid smart-phone because I let my baby play with it so she would sit still at the BMV. So I have to retype the code about 8 times until I get it right. I have to press “2” to play the message, and then I have to press “7” to delete it. And then I have to grab a pen and paper and write down your message so that I can remember to call you back after I listen to the other 26 voicemails.
This is too much work. It’s a time-suck. Just email or text me what you want, and I will respond accordingly. Otherwise, I will totally notice that I missed your call and call you back. And chances are, I have not listened to your message. So please don’t start the conversation with, Did you get my message? And then get pissy with me when I tell you that I did not.
Do you agree? Or do you like to listen to an endless stream of voicemails?