Don’t you hate it when someone is crappy to you, and you walk away from that person, and then the best comeback ever comes to you?
It happens to me all the time. Which immediately prompts a fake argument in my head.
I fake tell off customers when I walk out on the car lot and they run back to their cars.
FINE! RUN BACK TO YOUR CAR! I DIDN’T WANT TO TELL YOU ABOUT THE $5,000 IN REBATES! GO SPEND MORE DOWN THE STREET!
I fake argue with other drivers in traffic.
FIRST DAY DRIVING IN THE SNOW?! WELCOME TO OHIO! HOPE YOU DON’T DRIVE INTO A DITCH, IDIOT!
I fake argue with my coworkers.
IT’S FINE! I DIDN’T WANT A POLAR POP FROM THE CARRYOUT, ANYWAY! I’LL JUST SWALLOW MY SPIT!
I fake argue with my husband.
HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF I LEFT THE SEAT UP, AND YOU SAT ON THE COLD RIM? YOU WOULDN’T FEEL GOOD, PAL! NOT GOOD AT ALL!
I fake argue with people on Facebook.
GAY MARRIAGE DOESN’T LEAD TO PEOPLE MARRYING THEIR DOGS, MORON! WHAT’S YOUR IQ, ANYWAY?
I fake argue with the grocery store bagger after I get home.
CLEANING SUPPLIES DON’T GO IN THE SAME BAG WITH APPLES! HOW DIFFICULT CAN YOUR JOB POSSIBLY BE?
I even sometimes regurgitate my fake arguments to other people, and they never even happened in real life.
SO THEN I TOLD HER, “THAT’S BECAUSE YOU’RE A LIAR AND EVERYONE KNOWS IT!”
But I don’t even care that some of my stories have added dialog. My arguments are always better told the second time around (with the fake bits in there).
So today, because it’s fun, and because our comebacks are always better when the person isn’t actually standing in front you, I want you all to fake-let-someone-have-it. Tell someone off in the comment section. Tell me what you really wish you would have said to their face, during the heat of the moment.