Candy Crush + Satan = My Brain

//Candy Crush + Satan = My Brain

Candy Crush + Satan = My Brain

Everyone was playing it. They told me not to try it. They told me it’s addicting and a total time suck.

To see what all the hype was about, I downloaded it on my phone.

I played level one.

I played level two.

I played level three.

And then? WHAT THE FUCK?!

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Why was this happening?

I let the time pass, desperately longing to crush little candies again.

I played levels four, five, six, seven, even level eight.

Until it happened again!

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I was overcome with rage! THIS IS THE DUMBEST GAME EVER!

Why did I even care? Why was I so upset?

I was aware of how silly I was being, but I wanted to slide my finger over the brightly colored candies so badly it hurt!

The next thing I knew, I had accidentally spent $20.79 at the iTunes store on more lives.

I was telling my co-workers how weak I had become, when one of them told me there is a way to hack your phone. All you have to do is set the date and time of your phone in the future. Each time you die, just go back into your settings and set it ahead even farther. If you didn’t this already, I apologize. Because each time you set your phone back to the right time, you realize how extreme your candy crush addiction has become.

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You guys, my phone thinks it’s next Friday at 4:34pm.

But dammit, I finally passed stupid Level 28.

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I’ve only been playing since Monday night, and already I think about these little candies all the time. I try to form strategies to get a striped candy lined up next to a sprinkled candy. And I’m constantly singing Beyonce songs in my head.

    I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly.

I’m so screwed.

Has Candy Crush taken over your life? Is this game evil?

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By | 2013-11-21T10:46:15+00:00 November 21st, 2013|Lessons|12 Comments

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  1. Tarah November 21, 2013 at 11:08 am - Reply

    My name is Tarah. And I’m a recovering Candy Crush addict. I was hiding my addiction from my family…until my husband saw our bank statement online and thought some Nigerian hacker had stolen our debit card information…and charged $300 worth of charges to iTunes…in 23 days. I had to fess up. I went cold turkey one week ago. I deleted the little candy icon from my iPad. And every night, once my kid is asleep and the dishes are done, I wistfully scroll my iPad screen hoping to see that little candy icon. That siren’s song. The devil. I’ve replaced this time waster with Pinterest. I’m a pinning demon now.

  2. Rachel November 21, 2013 at 11:25 am - Reply

    I deleted it off of my phone last month.

    The sun is brighter. The birds are singing. I don’t miss it.

  3. Neeroc November 21, 2013 at 12:26 pm - Reply

    Yep, totally addicted. And to make matters worse, every time I see jelly, I get Peanut Butter Jelly Time stuck in my head.

    You’re welcome.

  4. Adria November 21, 2013 at 12:38 pm - Reply

    I’ve been stuck on Level 147 since spring. I’ve given up, but can’t bring myself to delete it from my phone because I’d lose all of my progress.

    • Adria November 21, 2013 at 12:42 pm - Reply

      I should mention that I REFUSE to spend money. REFUSE. Hence, stuck since spring.

  5. Julia November 21, 2013 at 2:22 pm - Reply

    Wonder if that will work on your computer too??? Resetting the time I mean???

  6. Rebecca November 21, 2013 at 4:46 pm - Reply

    We are all addicted to Candy Crush at my house. Even my 5 year old, who will tell you “Candy Crush is evil!!!” Then she requests to watch this- because we love Glove and Boots.

  7. Deborah N November 22, 2013 at 7:20 am - Reply

    I was at one time addicted to it. I spent a little bit of $ – maybe a total of $10? But when it was making me late for work, I knew I had to stop. Haven’t touched it in 2 months and I don’t miss it. Good Luck!

  8. Heather Bailey November 22, 2013 at 12:55 pm - Reply

    HAHAHAHAHAHA sorry this made me seriously laugh out loud, at work, nonetheless. After words with friends and hanging with friends, oh and draw something, I found I was too addicted, playing at red lights in my car. I had to stop. No more games for me. My hubby on the other hand…. he plays some golf game on his tablet, then I tell him to put it away and come back to reality haha. I have been there though, you get SO attached and want to keep playing and it takes over your life. STEP AWAY FROM THE CANDY CRUSH lol

  9. steph gas November 22, 2013 at 4:31 pm - Reply

    yeah. been there. i had a really boring job with a lot of down time and i started playing. i finally stopped when i got stuck at some insanely low level, like 37 or something, for weeks. WEEKS. and it was really pissing me off. so i just stopped.

    and started pinning things. i love pinterest. OMFG and tumblr. that’s my new shit. i’m only, what, a decade late?

  10. ClevelandPoet December 2, 2013 at 12:14 pm - Reply

    I’ve never played and I don’t plan to. The other day at work while waiting for it to be time to clock out someone started playing. When the sound from it happened 3 other coworkers went “Candy crush!!” and rushed over.

    it was terrifying.

  11. Jane December 5, 2013 at 12:19 am - Reply

    Hi, my name is Jane & I’m an addict. It all started one day when I seen that Candy Crush icon flashing “on-off-on-off-on”. I couldn’t help myself, I clicked on that little icon & before I knew it, the dishes were piling up in the sink, the laundry was overflowing from the hamper, hubby’s dinner was a cold sandwich & chips or a TV dinner, pot pie or worse… left-over pizza. I would play Candy Crush from the time the sun came up, until it went down. I would shout to hubby… “Dinner’s ready” as soon as I’d hear the ding (bell) on the Micro-Wave. I didn’t even get dressed, wore my nightgown all day, would wash off with a wash cloth, the mail piled up in the box, dust accumulated on the shelves. Ran out of glasses, cups, plates, clean clothes, wash cloths, towels. I knew something had to be done, I shamefully admitted I was addicted to Candy Crush. I would play a new game I’d downloaded, while waiting for the minutes to go by, so I could play Candy Crush again. I couldn’t wait for that “DING” sound on my iPhone, to tell me I had FULL LIVES again. OMG! How I yearned for that “ding”, that wonderful “ding”, the minute it rang out, I was pushing candy pieces, to the left, right, up, down, connecting 3-4-5 pieces of candy, waiting to see how many I could wipe out, hoping to get to the next level. I’m on level 79 now, I will forever be a addict to Candy Crush, I can’t put it down, I need to go now… I just got the “ding”, I have full lives… I’m gone!

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