I’m about to get a little rant-y up in this mug. This is your warning.
Today I will be a guest on HuffPost Live, talking about emotional affairs, at 1:36pm EST. This topic makes me rant because it hits me close to home.
UPDATE: They just called and cancelled me as a guest because I am not having an affair. Well, FINE THEN! I guess I will take a lunch today instead.
They’ve asked me to be on because I coined the phrase “Work Husband” to their audience a few months back. I cannot take credit for “Work Husband”. I learned the phrase from my HR friend, when she referred to her work BFF as her “Work Husband”.
I think I have two “Work Husbands”.
These are men I work with who emotionally rely on me. I know they do. When they are fed up, they plop down in my office, and tell me why they want to kill their employee, and I talk them off the ledge. I also seek their advice. Meaning, I also seek them out when I am about to walk out and start rolling heads.
This relationship works because we have become each other’s work psychologists in a way. This is a circle of trust. I trust them and they trust me. We are all about the same age, and we have all been promoted into our management positions around the same times. We’ve worked our asses off at this company. And dang it, we respect each other for the amount of work we’ve all put into this place.
Is this a bad thing? Is this the making of an emotional or physical affair because they are men and I am a woman?
No. I’ve worked here for over seven years with them, and no lines have been crossed.
Shaun knows both of my “Work Husbands”. He knows one of them calls me every night on his drive home to tell me about his day. And he knows the other one shoots me text messages. And he knows sometimes we all have a beer after work. Hell, he meets us out when he can. And guess what he tells us, “Stop talking about work.”
Shaun doesn’t care about our work situations. He doesn’t understand them. And I don’t expect him to.
But let’s just get really serious here for a minute. It pisses me off – TO NO END – when there are rumors about me regarding infidelity. It makes me feel like I’m on the Real Housewives of New Jersey, and I’m living the life of Melissa Gorga.
Just because you didn’t get the promotion, or because you got fired, or whatever, doesn’t mean I am screwing your boss. Seriously.
Shaun knows about all of this. I tell him every time I hear a rumor about my supposed sordid affairs (which only occur after someone’s been promoted or fired), and we laugh and laugh and laugh. Is there a casting couch in my office? Give me a break.
But I’ve decided rumors like this start when you are woman with any kind of influence in your company. Yep. That’s what I’ve decided. A girlfriend of mine recently complained to me of the same thing after she was promoted. I looked at her and said, “Welcome to the club. I’ve been here awhile. It just means you’ve made it.”
Isn’t that sad?
It needs to stop. It’s complete bullshit to do this to the women you work with. COMPLETE BULLSHIT.
Men and women can be “just friends”. I am “just friends” with plenty of men since 90% of the people who work here ARE MEN.
This doesn’t mean I am having an affair. Emotional or otherwise. Shaun Soleau gets my love. No one else. He knows it. And I know it. So I guess the rest doesn’t matter (except it does because it’s hard being a woman in management when this happens to you).
So what do you think? Have you ever been accused of having an affair? Can men and women be just friends?