I’m so agreeable when it comes to Brittany Gibbons.
Seriously. This woman should sell cars.
BRITTANY: Hey, I am hosting this social media camp thingy, and I want you to be a camp counselor.
ME: Cool! What sessions do you want me to teach?
BRITTANY: Well, it’s more like a non-conference that’s four days, where we don’t exclude people who may not know as much about social media, but I want you to be one of my leaders.
She had me at “leader”.
As the months went by, I began to realize that this wasn’t some kitschy social media conference. Brittany had convinced me to actually fucking camp.
I hate camping.
When I was a child, my mother was working on her Masters Degree, and my dad was earning a teacher’s salary. So we went camping. This was our family vacation.
We would camp in tents. Sometimes it would rain. My dad was always cussing and my mom was always pissed off about how her hair looked. I have severe seasonal allergies, so my eyes would swell shut, and my brothers would throw rocks at me to see if I could see well enough to catch them.
For fun, we rode bicycles all over the camp ground. This is not a fun activity for the blind and recently stoned (not “stoned” as in “I smoked some pot” — “stoned” as in “rocks were thrown at me”).
It totally sucked.
Then this magical thing happened. My dad became a school administrator, and my mom finished school and got a raise. Our family began taking vacations to cool places, like Disney World, where we stayed in air conditioned hotels.
I could breathe. We didn’t have to ride bikes for fun. My eyes were finally wide open.
THIS IS WHAT VACATION FEELS LIKE!
I vowed to never camp again. I would scrimp and save and stay in hotels. Hotels just make for happier memories.
But here I am. Again. Camping. At #CampThrowback. Being a “leader”.
I totally lied to Shaun to get him to come to camp with me. I knew I would need him to keep me sane and drunk and safe.
I told him that he could fish. He loves fishing.
Shaun also didn’t realize that we would be sleeping in separate cabins, or that there would only be 12 boys coming to camp… with about 100 women. Boys in one, girls in the others!
But to be fair, Shaun probably doesn’t really want to sleep next to this seeping-eyeball-allergy-mess-of-a-human-being.
Anyway, I am totally going to try to enjoy camp.
There’s wifi and 4G cell service and surprisingly nice bathrooms. Oh, and vodka. Lots and lots of vodka.
And the best part? Later today I’ll get to meet 100 of my friends who live in my computer.
Plus, last week, LARPers (Live Action Role Play Gamers) camped here. And we keep finding, I shit you not, little bags of magic.
Which? Makes #CampThrowback seem like a cool place where geeks like me (let’s face it — I’m a huge geek) can learn to be one with nature and connect with each other… in real life.